A Tribute and Some Tears

It's about 7:40am. Today just didn't taste right from the very start. Of course I knew it wouldn't. I went to bed with that sad taste already in my mouth. You know, when you can feel the clouds in the back of your head but you push them aside for the time being, but know that they will bring the rain. Well even though it's bright and clear outside, my heart is raining.

Today he would have been 24. The day when he could always brag that he was now 2 years older than me. The day when we'd put those silly cone birthday hats on, and shake all his presents to figure out what he'd (we'd) be getting. Lassie and Nipper or both would also be forced to don the hats and for a brief time they'd be allowed inside.

There will be no party today. There will be a absence at the table. There is a hole, an emptiness that will not be filled. If you are reading this today, please take this minute and say a prayer for Aunt Mary, Uncle John, Sussanah, and the rest of our family. I promise, they will be needed.

I wrote this in the days following the news that he had passed on. I had struggled whether I should share it with anyone but family. I decided that this would be my tribute, my way of giving special notice to this day. Maybe they have the internet in Heaven, and if they do I hope you know that I'm thinking about you. That I'm missing you. That I still get that sharp pain every now and then. I love you, and I'll see you soon, but not soon enough.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For Wesley John Sides IV

**11/18/81 -- 3/05**

We were Mustang wild and Carolina crazy,
Tearing down a backwoods trail with six guns blazing.
Ten feet up in a chestnut tree,
We dreamed about all the things we’d be.
We were astronauts and real crime fighters,
With three cherry bombs and an old Bic lighter.
We hated girls, but we didn’t know why,
And even the biggest scrape couldn’t make us cry.
I wish I had some of that courage now, cause I’m not feeling very brave.
This time the cut’s much deeper and I can’t find a smile to save.

But if they’ve got horsepower in heaven,
I bet you’re spinning tires on the streets of gold.
And if they’ve got any good creeks up there,
Then save me a spot beside the best fishing hole.
Wait for me in arms of angels; I’ll be there as soon as I can.
I’ve got some more work to do; now I’ve got to be twice the man.

We were race car drivers except ours had three wheels.
We took daddy’s Buick and wound up in one of Mamaw’s fields.
You just never listened to the rules we were told,
They said you had a wild streak but I saw a heart of gold.
We’d ignore about half of what our parents said,
But at Bible School you still said sorry and bowed your head.
I can still taste Cheese-Puffs and Kool-Aid,
And a thousand other memories that we made.
I still hear the hymns we sang side by side on Sunday night.
And you know I’d still be beside you no matter how big the fight.
Been through thick and thin, thought it would always be that way.
This time I’m facing it alone, wondering why you couldn’t stay.

I know there’s no tears in heaven, but we shed our share that day.
The air was bitter cold, spitting snowflakes from a sky of dark gray.
This was not how I wanted to say my last goodbye,
Bent over a wooden box, just trying not to cry.
Picked a piece of fuzz off my jacket that you were wearing,
Tried to procure some peace from this last moment we’re sharing.
I promised to look after the ones you’ve left,
Who’ve lost so much to death’s cruel theft.
A weeping father, one brave sister, and a loving mother,
And I thought of how I’m losing my only brother.

The headlights lined up and crept out a little after five:
The hardest 6 miles I’ve ever had to drive.
Past that winding driveway where we lost our training wheels,
Past the shop where we shaved our heads to see how it would feel.
Past the station where we’d get jerky and a Mountain Dew.
Past the creek we’d fish until daylight was through.



Silently it ended beneath the last hill we’ll climb together,
The wind was icy and raw, ready to clamp down and close this chapter forever.
But as I stood staring tearfully over the trees, I suddenly felt bolder,
I thought that I felt two strong arms and a full head of red on my shoulder.
I smiled just a little and thought about that wind,
How surely one day surely it will bring us together again.